Its just for you..

I just need to get this out because its eating me inside and i just need to let you know how much you mean to me..

You're always with me,
in my thoughts,
my brain,
my heart,
and my soul,
i hate myself for doing something stupid 3 years ago,
and now?
its too late to say i'm sorry face to face,
You're about 1000miles away in some other land,
somewhere not near me,
it kills me inside to think what i have done to you,
3 years back,
i hate myself for doing that,
its one of does times where i wish i had a time machine,
so i can turn back time and say sorry before it was too late,
but now?
all i can do is to keep you in my heart,
no one knows how much your killing me inside,
how much i want to hug you,
and say i still like you,
but you will never know the truth,
that train has left the station 3years ago and its not coming back,
all i can do now is be your friend and nothing more,
i hope you know i'm always here for you,
there so much more i want to say,
but i don't think i can ever say it again,
you will always be that someone special in my heart,
that cherry on top of the sundae,
and to let you know how much you mean to me,
i still have your present you given me that time we met,
i can't sleep without it,
it keeps the nightmares away at night,
it keeps me company when i'm alone,
it makes me happy just to look at it,
it smells like you sometimes,
it makes me smile,
it makes me it re-call the times we fight over it,
and most of all?
it reminds me of you..
i never kept it away in some box after you left,
its still with me and always will be,
after you were gone from here,
it hit me again right in the face,
how much i miss talking to you,
how much i miss listening to your voice,
you will never know the truth,
and just to you..
your special.. :)

*to people who knows who i'm talking about.. Please keep it to yourself. :) only a few knows so SHHH!!!